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HISTORY XIX.--E.B. Parents sound; strong constitution in mother,
moderately so in father; vigorous and healthy, but of refined
nature. Breast-milk for six months.
"_Age 4-5_. Took great delight in the little waterworks. Severely
punished for this. Interest in the parts morbidly increased
"_Age 5_. Earliest recollection of 'counter-erection'--the penis
shrinking tensely into itself, producing local and general
discomfort. This resulted from certain kinds of
_mauvaise-honte_,--having to kiss aged persons, having officious
help at micturition, bathing, dressing, etc., which caused a sort
of physical disgust. Toward puberty the experience grew rare. One
such occasion was at about eighteen, when solicited on the street
by a prostitute. The very _idea_ of homosexual relations produces
it. It would appear to be a powerful safeguard against
promiscuous sex relations. I have met two men subject to the same
thing, and have heard of one woman subject to something
analogous. It might be called a nausea of the 'nether heart' in
Georg Hirth's phrase.
"_Age 6-7_. Earliest recollection of erection. Unprovoked at
first. A disposition to _punish_ the organ and satisfaction in
doing so. From this time erection took place whenever it was
"_Age 10_. Present at a discussion in the playground about the
best way of intercourse, which I heard of for the first time.
This was followed by enlightenment on the source of children.
Concluded it must be very painful to both parties. 'Just the
other way,' I was told. But the idea of pain to the genitals was
'interesting' to me. Pain felt by the other sex was
'interesting.' Pained looks captivated me--I liked to imagine
some mysterious trouble; and, as I learned more, 'female
complaints' interested me greatly in their subjects. I got a
'grateful pang' at the pit of the stomach at the thought, but
neither erection nor the opposite. This hypogastric feeling has
continued to associate itself with certain sexual impressions.
The thought of a _woman mortifying herself_ later on excited me
sexually. Once, pulling a stay-string for fun (my wife never
laced) gave me a powerful and quite unexpected erection.
"_Age 12_. A girl visitor of the same age got me talking about
the genitals, and at bedtime came and proposed coitus. We failed
to manage it. The vulva stripped back the foreskin, which was a
voluptuous feeling; then we were alarmed by something and
separated. I never saw her again. She too liked to 'punish' her
vulva. She put whole pepper in it, and advised me to use the
same. I continued greatly excited when she had gone; the hand
flew to the phallus and worried it, and orgasm came on at
once--the childish orgasm consisting of well-spaced spasms of the
ejaculators, without the poignant preliminary nisus of the adult
orgasm. There was no reaction or depression, except that the
phallus--which did not subside at once--was painful to touch. A
week or so later I tried again, but failed. A month later, being
more excited, I succeeded. I found that I could only compass it
about once in three weeks. There were no emissions. I used to
have a spontaneous mental image of a small Grecian temple in a
sunny park, which charmed me, and I had no scruples.
"_Age 12-13_. Masturbated once or twice a month.
"_Age 13-14_. Was sent to a small public school, where it
happened that a very good tone prevailed. I learned that
masturbation was bad form and unmanly. The proper thing was to
save one's self up for women--at about 18. I dropped the practice
easily, in spite of indulging my imagination about coitus. I
thought of the initiation with prostitutes at 18, with the mixed
feelings that even the most combative soldier must regard the
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