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she had left the country in shame and disgrace.
"I believe that in my heredity the transmission comes chiefly
from my mother, who is now 58 years old. Although her life has
been blameless in every particular since her youthful
indiscretion, she has never got over it. I feel in my character a
reflection of her overstrung condition during pregnancy.
"I can distinctly remember from the age of 9 years, and am sure
that I had no sexual feelings before the age of 13, though always
in the company of girls. I had many boyish passions for girls,
always older than myself, but these were never accompanied by
sexual desires. I deified all my sweethearts, and was satisfied
if I got a flower, a handkerchief, or even a shred of clothing of
my inamorata for the time being. These things gave me a strange
idealistic emotion, but caused no sexual desire or erection.
"At 13 a 26-year-old sister of a boy companion once sat down on a
sheaf of corn so as to expose the mons veneris and enticed me to
copulate. There was slight erection, and after the act had been
continued some time a pleasurable sensation of ejaculation, but
without true emission. I had frequent relations with this woman
"About this time the farm servant of a neighbor taught me
masturbation. The mistress of the farm, a thin, willowy, dark
woman, the mother of several children, treated me with such
familiarity as once to urinate in my presence, so that I saw her
very hirsute mons veneris. From that moment I conceived a great
passion for her, and used to tremble as soon as I saw her. I had
become well developed and virile, but, though I think she was a
lustful woman, I never ventured to touch her. I found an extreme
ecstasy in masturbating while gazing upon some article of her
clothing. This gave me much greater sexual pleasure than actual
connection with the ever-willing sister of my schoolfellow. I
think I loved the married woman best because the mons veneris was
more covered with hair.
"This has always had a peculiar attraction for me. Later, when
accosted by prostitutes, I never would go with them unless I was
assured the mons veneris was very hirsute. Never much addicted to
masturbation, I derived no great enjoyment therefrom unless I had
hair or part of the clothing of the woman with whom I was
indulging in psychic coitus.
"At 16 I left school and went to a large city to learn a
business. At this time the sexual appetite was very strong. I
frequently had intercourse with three women in one evening.
"I have had but few lascivious dreams. In these the phantom
partner was almost invariably a dead woman. (When about 8 I had
seen the dead body of an aunt who died at 24.)
"When 20 I went to London and took all the pleasure which came my
way. I cared only for normal coitus. Offers of another type
created disgust. I once allowed a woman to exhaust me sexually
orally, but felt degraded thereby. Women with whom I had become
very intimate often urged me to _cunnilingus_, but I could not do
it. I have practised intermammary coitus a very few times.
"At 26 I married a pure, gentle woman, after having for ten
months before marriage led a life of celibacy. My wife died when
I was 30, and for about eight months I lived a celibate life.
Lascivious dreams sometimes occurred, but I invariably awoke
before ejaculation. Eventually I gave way to the cravings of my
strong sexual nature, but never wished for anything out of the
usual except intercourse from behind. A woman with marked
development of the nates has great attraction for me. Solitary
masturbation has for some time ceased, but a nude woman in the
act of masturbation with her back to me gives me great pleasure.
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