Main  Contacts  
Table of contents
CONTENTS
ANALYSIS OF THE SEXUAL IMPULSE-1
ANALYSIS OF THE SEXUAL IMPULSE-2
ANALYSIS OF THE SEXUAL IMPULSE-3
ANALYSIS OF THE SEXUAL IMPULSE-4
ANALYSIS OF THE SEXUAL IMPULSE-5
ANALYSIS OF THE SEXUAL IMPULSE-6
ANALYSIS OF THE SEXUAL IMPULSE-7
ANALYSIS OF THE SEXUAL IMPULSE-8
ANALYSIS OF THE SEXUAL IMPULSE-9
ANALYSIS OF THE SEXUAL IMPULSE-10
FOOTNOTES
LOVE AND PAIN-1.1
LOVE AND PAIN-1.2
LOVE AND PAIN-1.3
LOVE AND PAIN-1.4
LOVE AND PAIN-1.5
LOVE AND PAIN-1.6
LOVE AND PAIN-2.1
LOVE AND PAIN-2.2
LOVE AND PAIN-2.3
LOVE AND PAIN-2.4
LOVE AND PAIN-3.1
LOVE AND PAIN-3.2
LOVE AND PAIN-3.3
LOVE AND PAIN-3.4
LOVE AND PAIN-4
LOVE AND PAIN-5.1
LOVE AND PAIN-5.2
LOVE AND PAIN-6.1
LOVE AND PAIN-6.2
LOVE AND PAIN-7
THE SEXUAL IMPULSE IN WOMEN-1.1
THE SEXUAL IMPULSE IN WOMEN-1.2
THE SEXUAL IMPULSE IN WOMEN-1.3
THE SEXUAL IMPULSE IN WOMEN-1.4
THE SEXUAL IMPULSE IN WOMEN-1.5
THE SEXUAL IMPULSE IN WOMEN-1.6
THE SEXUAL IMPULSE IN WOMEN-2.1
THE SEXUAL IMPULSE IN WOMEN-2.2
THE SEXUAL IMPULSE IN WOMEN-2.3
THE SEXUAL IMPULSE IN WOMEN-3
APPENDIX A-1
APPENDIX A-2-3
APPENDIX B HISTORY-1
APPENDIX B HISTORY-2
APPENDIX B HISTORY-3-4-5-6-7
APPENDIX B HISTORY-8-9-10
APPENDIX B HISTORY-11-12
APPENDIX B HISTORY-13
APPENDIX B HISTORY-14-15
APPENDIX B HISTORY-16
APPENDIX B HISTORY-17
APPENDIX B HISTORY-18
APPENDIX B HISTORY-19
INDEX OF AUTHORS

LOVE AND PAIN. 

 

I. 

 

The Chief Key to the Relationship between Love and Pain to be Found in 

Animal Courtship--Courtship a Source of Combativity and of Cruelty--Human 

Play in the Light of Animal Courtship--The Frequency of Crimes Against the 

Person in Adolescence--Marriage by Capture and its Psychological 

Basis--Man's Pleasure in Exerting Force and Woman's Pleasure in 

Experiencing it--Resemblance of Love to Pain even in Outward 

Expression--The Love-bite--In what Sense Pain may be Pleasurable--The 

Natural Contradiction in the Emotional Attitude of Women Toward 

Men--Relative Insensibility to Pain of the Organic Sexual Sphere in 

Women--The Significance of the Use of the Ampallang and Similar Appliances 

in Coitus--The Sexual Subjection of Women to Men in Part Explainable as 

the Necessary Condition for Sexual Pleasure. 

 

 

The relation of love to pain is one of the most difficult problems, and 

yet one of the most fundamental, in the whole range of sexual psychology. 

Why is it that love inflicts, and even seeks to inflict, pain? Why is it 

that love suffers pain, and even seeks to suffer it? In answering that 

question, it seems to me, we have to take an apparently circuitous route, 

sometimes going beyond the ostensible limits of sex altogether; but if we 

can succeed in answering it we shall have come very near one of the great 

mysteries of love. At the same time we shall have made clear the normal 

basis on which rest the extreme aberrations of love. 

 

The chief key to the relationship of love to pain is to be found by 

returning to the consideration of the essential phenomena of courtship in 

the animal world generally. Courtship is a play, a game; even its combats 

are often, to a large extent, mock-combats; but the process behind it is 

one of terrible earnestness, and the play may at any moment become deadly. 

Courtship tends to involve a mock-combat between males for the possession 

of the female which may at any time become a real combat; it is a pursuit 

of the female by the male which may at any time become a kind of 

persecution; so that, as Colin Scott remarks, "Courting may be looked upon 

as a refined and delicate form of combat." The note of courtship, more 

especially among mammals, is very easily forced, and as soon as we force 

it we reach pain.[61] The intimate and inevitable association in the 

animal world of combat--of the fighting and hunting impulses--with the 

process of courtship alone suffices to bring love into close connection 

with pain. 

 

Among mammals the male wins the female very largely by the display of 

force. The infliction of pain must inevitably be a frequent indirect 

result of the exertion of power. It is even more than this; the infliction 

of pain by the male on the female may itself be a gratification of the 

impulse to exert force. This tendency has always to be held in check, for 

it is of the essence of courtship that the male should win the female, and 

she can only be won by the promise of pleasure. The tendency of the male 

to inflict pain must be restrained, so far as the female is concerned, by 

the consideration of what is pleasing to her. Yet, the more carefully we 

study the essential elements of courtship, the clearer it becomes that, 

playful as these manifestations may seem on the surface, in every 

direction they are verging on pain. It is so among animals generally; it 

is so in man among savages. "It is precisely the alliance of pleasure and 

pain," wrote the physiologist Burdach, "which constitutes the voluptuous 

emotion." 

 

Nor is this emotional attitude entirely confined to the male. The female 

also in courtship delights to arouse to the highest degree in the male the 

desire for her favors and to withhold those favors from him, thus finding 

on her part also the enjoyment of power in cruelty. "One's cruelty is 

one's power," Millament says in Congreve's _Way of the World_, "and when 

one parts with one's cruelty one parts with one's power." 

 

At the outset, then, the impulse to inflict pain is brought into 


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